where she went

Wrapping up the wonderfully emotional if i stay series by Gayle Forman, with where she went.

where she went

5 out of 5 Heart-Wrenching Stars

"Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it's the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. But my hand has been clenched into a fist for three years now; it's frozen shut. All of me is frozen shut. And about to shut down completely."

Gayle Forman has upped the ante in this amazing squeal to if i stay, accurately titled where she went. Everything I love about if i stay has become even more pronounced in where she went; the writing is more eloquent, more beautiful, and more heart-breaking. I did not think this would be possible with how great the first novel in this duology is, with how well it flows and tears at our heart strings, but Forman did it. She makes a story about a guy who lost his girlfriend and second family more devastating that when Mia lost her own family. Forman has completely blown past my expectations in this beautiful sequel, taking us through the aftermath of if i stay through Adam's eyes.

"I find the need to remind myself of the temporariness of a day, to reassure myself that I got through yesterday, I'll get through today.”

Plot-Line:

Fast forward three years from the end of if i stay. Mia decided to wake up, but like Adam was told before, it was easier for her to cut herself off from her old life and all the memories associated with it. Adam and Mia faced a lot of tough challenges after Mia woke up, and the way their relationship ends is terrible. Mia is now a rising star, getting ready to tour after graduating from Julliard a year early, and Shooting Star has grown widely popular, earning platinum to double-platinum records. It's a crazy coincidence when Adam ends up having a day off in New York City before his next big tour, and finds himself outside of Carnegie Hall, where Mia is having a recital. They reconnect after the performance, but everything is awkward and tense between them -- it's worse than when they first started dating because of their history together and all the pain they've both suffered. This chance meeting turns into a night of reconnecting between the two of them, and it's an emotional rollercoaster for both of our main characters. The three years since the accident have taken their toll on both Adam and Mia, but while Mia has been able to survive through music, Adam has not. He's a completely different person, and he's spiraling down a deadly vortex with no end in sight. Maybe it's not coincidence that the two have met up again right when Adam needs Mia the most. Maybe it really is fate. 

“I've come to realize there's a world of difference between knowing something happened, even knowing why it happened, and believing it.” 

Notable Parts:

Just like in if i stay, the chapters switch between present and flashbacks, and Forman makes it work wonderfully. Each flashback is written for a specific reason, to help the readers understand how Adam got to where he is in the present timeline, why these things happened in the first place, and how this ripple-effect has changed Adam so greatly. The distance of the band, his crumbling relationship with Mia, how he deals with mourning, and his reaction to all pressure he faces in his new lifestyle are so realistic, it makes the reader feel like they are experiencing everything Adam is right alongside him. Grief really is a competition, and it's forgotten that Adam lost family too -- there was no one there for Adam while he was suffering, and it's obvious how this changed him. It's a heart-breaking life that Adam finds himself in, and while Mia had the solace of music, Adam lost that. Music no longer makes him feel like he has a home; it is no longer a comfort for him. It's just a reminder of what he has lost, and how tiring his life has become. It's in this aspect, of Adam's dramatic change in his relationship with music, that the readers realize how much Adam has lost, how much he is struggling. He really did lose everything.

“You know, I thought about that a lot these last couple of years," She says in a choked voice. "About who was there for you. Who held your hand while you grieved for all that you'd lost?” 

The Music:

I remember Forman saying that she's not very good at writing lyrics, which cannot be true. Before each present-time chapter in where she went there are beautiful verses written out that relate to what happens in the chapter. These lyrics are amazing. I wish I could write lyrics like Forman does. She also has complete songs written out after the novel ends, and I am just in awe of the way she writes and what she is able to say through these lyrics. Simply amazing. The progression through the songs and lyrics are in complete harmony with what is happening in Adam's life, and I love it. The titles for the albums are unique and interesting, and the titles also reflect Adam's life. The songs she has referenced are the perfect songs to mention, and I am in love with the songs Forman has written. I will re-read this novel again and again just to experience the power of these lyrics once more.

"I just want out. Out of my existence. I find myself wishing that a lot lately. Not be dead. Or kill myself. Or any of that kind of stupid shit. It's more that I can't help thinking about what it would be like had I never been born in the first place."

Overall:

Adam and Mia face more hardships in their lives than anyone ever should, and the way they change and grow is a beautiful story to experience. I will be forever grateful that I read this amazing series, as I almost let it pass me by because of the movie. I can relate to the impact music can have on a person's life. Music will always play a major role in Adam's and Mia's life, even if their relationship with it changes at times. The way that Gayle Forman portrays this relationship in her writing is achingly beautiful, and the lyrics -- and story -- she has written will stay with me for a very long time. Adam and Mia's relationship is not one to fade into the background, and I hope both characters find peace with the tragedy that has changed their lives forever.

"I have to make good on my promise. To let her go. To really let her go. To let us both go."